How to Talk to Your Child’s Teacher When You Have a Concern

One day your son or daughter comes home unhappy or awfully quiet. Then, the next thing you know, your child refuses to go to school the following day. As a parent, it is quite worrying, isn’t it? And when kids succeed missing school because of their one-time crying act at home, do not be surprised if the next day they do it again until it becomes a routine. Now, that is disaster! You do not know if they don’t want to go to school because they don’t like the school or teacher.

I am a teacher and I am a parent too. My son has these episodes in the morning and until now it worries me. But I always tell my husband to ignore it and just send him to school because I do not want him to get used to this routine and learn how to manipulate his parents by whining just to skip classes. I have been there, done that.  However, when it becomes frequent and if I see my son disliking his homework, or anything that has something to do with school, it becomes alarming. I would start wondering if there is something that he does not like. It could be his school, or his classmates, or his teacher.

As a parent, you know your child well more than the others. You will feel if there is something wrong. And that is the time when I start asking my little one what is going on. One time, he said he is scared of his teacher. That was overly concerning to me, because I do not want him to develop that kind of fear, so ultimately, we decided to move him to another school. I always believe that a child learns better if he likes his teacher.

As a teacher, I have always loved my students and sometimes become overly attached to them, that when it is time for them to move up to the next level, I get so emotional. That is one of the reasons why I always wanted to have my own child. I know how parents get anxious when they see their kid cry before getting inside the classroom. I know when parents are deeply concerned; they will not stop messaging the teacher about how their child is doing at school. 

However, if there is something really bothering you especially regarding how your son or daughter is feeling about school, there are ways on how to address it.

1. Write a message on your child’s communication book. The communication book is the best way to build a good relationship with your kid’s teacher. Tell the teacher about your young one’s favorites, weaknesses, strengths, or anything that you think the teacher needs to know.

    2. If your little one’s school does not use the communication book, email the teacher. But always be polite and respect the time. Do not message after work time. Do not call at night or early morning. Always ask when the best time is to call.

    3. If your kid got bitten or hit by a friend at school, do not expect the teacher to give you the name of which child hurt your child. Remember, they are children and accidents happen. If this happens persistently, then that is the time you need to speak with the teacher or the principal.

      4. If your child tells you that he or she is scared of the teacher, ask first about the reason. When the reason is something that needs more attention, ask the teacher kindly how he or she performed during the day. If you see that your child is terrified and is complaining about being physically hurt, then you need to talk to the principal.

      5. Share your ideas to the teacher. For example, your kid is crying a lot in the beginning of the school year, which is normal, not all teacher is prepared for this and would initially call you often and complain. That is what happened to my son’s teacher who has the habit of complaining. So what I did, I told her that my son usually takes a while to adjust to a new school especially if he is used to his previous teacher and friends. This helps to understand what your child is going through.

        It is particularly important that you maintain a good relationship with your child’s teachers. Remember, your kid spends longer time at school during daytime and you would not want to think that they had a miserable day at school. Communication is the key to having a good relationship. If you communicate regularly with the teacher, then you would be able to reach out easier when you have concerns that need to be addressed.


        Writer: Hazel May Vinluan-Kim

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