How to be a Calm Mother
Are you one of those moms who yell when you get so exhausted and stressed at home?
Do you struggle to be calm when you see that your children are fighting again or are messing up your laundry right after you pile them?
Are you one of those moms who easily get irritated amidst vexatious events at home?
Well, you are not alone.
Being a calm mom is indeed a talent especially if you see your fellow mothers who are very good at keeping their composure amidst chaos at home brought about by whining children or fighting children.
You want to be one of them, but you think it is so arduous to be patient and composed. But it is not impossible, everything can be solved and you can be a calm mom.
Before getting married, we always have this ideal version of how we see ourselves when we become a mother. We always envision ourselves being kind, patient, selfless, and most of all calm.
I have always dreamed of becoming a mother even at the age of 24, but that did not happen until the age of 32. Imagine how long I waited for that moment and the preparation I have had before the day came when I finally became a mother!
As a preschool teacher, I have always treated my students as my children, which is why dreaming of becoming a mother had been a long wait for me.
When I traveled to Singapore, Indonesia, Hong Kong, Japan, and Korea, seeing how my students develop from the time we begin the school year until the end of the school year has always fascinated me. They were all so sweet and cheerful. They made my journey easier and sweeter despite being away from my family.
However, when I became a mother, a full-time working mother to be exact, my vision of motherhood changed. I would come home so exhausted and seeing my son whining for attention, I would get irritated.
Sleep, which used to be a luxury for me when I was single, became scarce when I became a mom. I was not prepared for this. And I ultimately saw myself becoming an impatient mother.
It took me a few months to realize my shortcomings and decided to quit my job for a year to take care of my son and to collect myself and be a better version of myself as a mother.
That one-year break from my job as a preschool teacher helped me to be kinder to my child and myself. I did a lot of re-tuning and reflected on what made me irritable. Those reflections made me bounce back to life and become a calmer person. These steps help me become calmer:
Take it easy!
Yes, this still applies to moms like us. We do not need to be an energizer bunny at home. Take one task at a time. Certainly, we all want to have a tidy house, but if you have a toddler, you cannot expect that to happen. Tidying the house can wait, but your child cannot. He or she is growing and you don’t want to miss any of those important milestones.
If you do not have to rush yourself too much about finishing a chore at home at once, then you will be able to systematize your priorities.
Taking care of ourselves is very important so that we can give our best selves to our loved ones. If we can eat properly, exercise, and pamper ourselves once in a while, we will be able to show a happier version of ourselves and devote our time to our family in a more desirable way. We will be able to understand our child’s needs better and therefore we do not have to get angry easily about small things.
Scheduled Nap Time or Quiet Time
Having a routine and consistent schedule for your child makes it easier for him or her to manage boredom and crankiness. Do not keep changing the time of your child’s nap time or quiet time so that his mood will be more stable. If you can establish this well, then your child will not be cranky.
Make a Playroom
Allot a room or space in your house to be your child or children’s playroom where they are allowed to make a mess. However, you should remind them, that they are only allowed to make a mess in that nook. They are not allowed to scatter their toys anywhere in the house. This will help you lessen your cleaning time and also discipline them when it comes to keeping the house tidy. You need to establish limitations at home so that you will not be bombarded with too many tasks to perform that will end up making you angry. Most importantly, teach them to tidy up their room after playing.
Talk Your Anger
It is very important to share your burden and talk it out. If you are feeling overwhelmed with your emotions and responsibilities at home, talk to your husband and let him know what is bothering you. You need to learn how to unload your emotions before you explode. You and your husband need to find ways to make things more manageable so that you will not be angered easily. In addition, having a friend that you can talk to and share your problems with is very important. Having someone to help you sort things out will make a big difference.
Being a mother is not an easy job, but it is one of the most fulfilling jobs in the world. I am not saying that I am the best mother there is, but I am a better and kinder mom to my child. I do not easily get angry anymore when he is whining and have learned the art of ignoring. Sometimes, children try to manipulate their parents by whining to see if it works when they want something, but once you ignore them and they realize it is not working, they will also stop that habit.
Do not let your emotions overwhelm you and make you become an angry mother. There is always a solution to every problem. Make every moment with your child meaningful and provide them a nurturing moment whenever possible.
Writer: Hazel May Vinluan-Kim